Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
