Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
