Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
