At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
