Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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