im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
