Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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