Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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