Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I seem to have left my pride at pride
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
