We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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