my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize