i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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