My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
