I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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