when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
