so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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