She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
