I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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