Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
