so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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