I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
