I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Vodka?
Forever.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
