Umm I'm too high to move.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
