I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
