One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
