Swine flu. Run for my life!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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