i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
