did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
