Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
