Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
