i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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