between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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