Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
