there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
