Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
