we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
