sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
