After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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