Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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