so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
