Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
