I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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