Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
