his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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