Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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