so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
