Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
