Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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