what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
