She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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