I accidentally had phone sex last night
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
