Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
