How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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