I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
