i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
