he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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