My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
