She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
