when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
