He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
