he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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