you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
