Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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