My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
