I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
