I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
