She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize