Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
