sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Randomize
