but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
