If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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