I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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