this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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