Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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