Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
