Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
