YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
